He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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