I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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