I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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