hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
