Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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