What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
