If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
