The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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