Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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