I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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