We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
