His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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