please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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