How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
