i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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