its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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