I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
