And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
