Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
