Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
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