I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
