Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Two words: nipple clamps
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