Pants 0. Shit 1.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
