If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
