By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
