I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
