Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Randomize
