I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize