she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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