i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
