It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize