I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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