the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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