Just cropdusted the office
We got so high we made milksteak
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
