just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
