I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
