Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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