he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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