Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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