Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
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