pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize