I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
