I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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