I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize