she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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