If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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