kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She told me I should be a condom model.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
