Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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