Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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