Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
