Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
