My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
