I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize