I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
