Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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