dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
