i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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