Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
