I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
