i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
