I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
