i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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