we're chasing vodka with high fives
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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