can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
