every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
