I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
