I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
