and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I need to align my fucking chakras
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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