just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
