Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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