My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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