she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
