hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
