Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Four minutes until I can fart!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize