I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
