Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
someone owes me an orgasm
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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